A busy week on the mail front due to our un-expected computer technical hitch. First up - a mail from the young chap who set the extremely interesting quiz to do with birdies:
From:
Michael Geddes <mj.geddes@yahoo.co.uk> 
To: admin@stationmasters.org.uk Subject: Birdie Quiz |
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| Hi Jim, On logging on today, I was pleasantly surprised to see my quiz featured. Captain Campbell will now be in a state of worry, that someone will get the answers correct, and he has to dig deep and cough up the prize. I also notice in your latest news that you are now Captain, hearty congratulations, I note that Outgoing Captain Campbell, has managed somehow to blag an Honourary Captain-ship, how can this be ? Does this mean that all his usual privileges are still in place, drink on the club tab, flights to Canada, seat at the top table etc, etc ? I thought the mission of Vice Captain Holland was to cut out all of this and curtail such freebies ? On the subject of Captain Holland, do you not think his taking on the Gardening Tips Column, will cause unnecessary friction with the Fiddle playing, Ex-Plumber. I did notice that Captain Holland was asking Horticultural advice from Tommy. Will you let me know when the prize for the quiz is to be presented, I would like to be there to witness that event. Please do not be concerned about mutations, and Dolly the sheep, these birds are carefully selected and specifically matched to produce certain colours, in controlled conditions, and only the finest 12mm Sterling Board and Twill-weld are used in the construction of their aviaries. Lastly, who is Freddy Davis ? is he on the Committee ? Mike Geddes. |
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Dear Mike, Thank you so much for your latest mail. We have to say however, that interest in your scintillating birdie competition was, to be brutally frank, not very good. In fact, no-one entered! On behalf of the Committee therefore, and in an attempt to address this disastrous situation, I have decided to enter:
Birdie 1 : A yellow parrot
Birdie 2 : A pink and yellow parrot
Birdie 3 : A yellow and pink canary
Birdie 4 : A yellow spuggie
Please let me know when I can pick up my prize of a free pint from Walter? On second thoughts, the idea of a free pint from the former Captain is about as likely as a yellow canary surviving down a Welsh coal mine in the 1800s.
In the meantime, if you have any more ideas for an inter-active quiz, could we suggest that subject matter is not restricted to the likes of yourself and Kenny Doo!
Yours aviarily, The Committee.
And now a mail from across the pond:
| From:
brucewilmott@aol.com
To: admin@stationmasters.org.uk Subject: Membership |
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Bruce Wilmott U.S PGA member and proud member of the Station Masters Golf Club |
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Dear Mr Wilmott, It is extremely refreshing to hear from you again and we are sorry that you feel the need to enter into formal correspondence with regard to your membership. We were honoured that you deviated from your hectic schedule (sorry skedyool) to visit us in the 'old country' recently. With regard to your interview for the currently vacant position of Club Professional, we have to advise that the Committee were slightly concerned with your propensity to drink to excess whilst in the company of former friends in the Station Hotel - exactly the problems we have experienced over the years with Steve Logan. However, we feel that these indiscretions are not insurmountable and we are prepared to enter into further negotiations in respect of offering you a lucrative contract in return for a few Professional tips now and again. Notwithstanding this, and in response to your query regarding both your own and your father's memberships, it is obvious that the list of members displayed on our website is last season's membership and doesn't include members who have joined this year! In fact, I had a very pleasant drink (non-alcoholic) with your father last weekend in the Clubhouse and I can assure you that a young Club such as ours is honoured that your father, a nationally renowned figure, and yourself for that matter have decided to join. As for the cash payments you claim to have made - all I can say is did you get a receipt?
Hope Kathy is keeping you off the drink,
Yours U.S. PGAdedly,
Captain Simpson, The Station Masters Golf Club of Carnoustie.
and finally, closer to home:
| From:
Elliot Davie <emcdavie@yahoo.co.uk>
To: admin@stationmasters.org.uk Subject: Steve Logan |
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Dear Elliot (Sorry - one of Steve's Sunday Fourball), We fear that by the time this is published, Steve Logan will already have been to the outpatients. One thing is certain however - he will always be vertically challenged! We can only wish him the best and ask him not to be so huffy with regard to his helpful hints. The fact that we have another Professional waiting in wings to take over his slot should have no bearing on the amount of alcohol he consumes.
Yours stevesbindedly,
The Committee.
And just in - a mail from darkest Cornwall. It either appears to have taken several weeks to get here or I inadvertantly overlooked it while deleting junk mail. It seems we owe Mike Geddes an apology - there was 1 entry to his competition and here it is:
| From: sheilaandangus@aol.com Subject: Birdie Quiz To: admin@stationmasters.org.uk |
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Happy New Year. I enjoyed the Birdie Quiz and of course all the birds
shown are native to the Republic of Cornwall and regularly visit my garden
bird feeders. They are of course varieties of the genus "Pinkus Parrotus
Shitehawkus" a sub-genus of "Ooza Pretty Boyus Shitehawkus". I am,
however, a little concerned with Mr. Geddes' photos because this
particular genus of "Shitehawkus" always perches with wings outstretched
and none of the birds are doing so. This leads me to believe they are
all dead and have actually been nailed to the perches for photographic
purposes. It is also a cause for concern that they do not appear to be
provided with food and water. Mind you if they are all dead that is of
little consequence. I do like the new web-site and the new- look
committee, you couldn't have found a better man to Captain the Vice.
Gus Holland
(Overseas Member)
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Dear Angus, Please forgive me for once again overlooking your very important communication. Your knowledge of parrot species obviously far exceeds that of the Committee even to the extent of giving our feathered friends their scientific names - very impressive. It is only fair that you should receive the prize of a pint from the former Captain when you next venture 'north of the border'. I wouldn't hold your breath though. With regard to the new Vice Captain, I suspect your sibling may be rather a disruptive element - he's so bossy! Anyway, hope the republic is still going strong and you're keeping the English at bay.
Yours deadparrotedly, The Editor.
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