READERS LETTERS   

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Thanks very much for your mails last week. This week - our first mail from a disgruntled member concerned about the welfare of Club Pro (we use the term loosely), Steve Logan:

To: admin@stationmasters.org.uk
Subject: The Club Professional 		All headers
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Dear Editor
 
It was with great anticipation that I accessed the long overdue update to the club website only to be met with a feeling of disappointment and, yes I must admit, emptiness.
 
I eagerly scanned the table of contents of the new edition but could find no 'Helpful Hints with Steve'!  Surely I had made a mistake.  I looked again, more carefully this time, but alack and alas, my initial impression was correct.
 
How cruel to discard in such a cavalier fashion our popular club professional.  Yes he has had his problems over the past year and perhaps can no longer merit the title of Carnoustie's best bunker player - (My Life in the Sand: Steve Logan pub 2006) - and the words 'Betty', 'Ford' and 'Clinic' are still a raw wound in the psyche of this most sensitive of men but this blow may only lead to what is best described in William Shakespeare's most commonly quoted phrase, 'The End'.
 
I hope you will have the courage to print this letter and I ask all concerned members to join the SOS campaign - 'Save Our Steve'!
 
 
Yours in concern
 
 
'Struggling without Steve'


Dear 'Struggling without Steve' - or may we call you SWS?,

It is indeed a pleasure to receive a mail from someone who is obviously of an academic bent. We are not used to reader's letters with perfect grammar and spelling (especially where Coutie and co. are concerned). We had hoped to gloss over Steve's recent problems with the introduction of our new 'Ask Alfie' feature but obviously hadn't taken due cognisance of the pro's popularity with the ordinary membership. This may come as a shock, but we have to tell you that Steve is a shadow of his former self. His confidence is shattered and we are sad to say that two of his former closest allies (who shall remain nameless), may be responsible. Yes, Dez and Elliot failed to spot the signs at an early stage, humiliating the pro week-in, week-out of a Sunday morning. Despite playing with a succession of different partners recently, Steve could never re-capture the form he exhibited a couple of years ago, when partnered by Vice Captain Simpson every week, the DC's gas was continually 'put at a peep'. We fear that his 'fall from grace' may be permanent, now rubbing shoulders with with 'names' such as Gascoigne and Winehouse surely not even Betty (or Gerald for that matter) could bring him back from the brink! Good luck with your campaign SWS, but we suspect you will find little support.

Yours heshisownworstenemyly,

The Editor.

* If you miss Steve Logan - let us know!

and now a rather strange mail from a prospective Office Bearer who obviously feels the need for further canvassing of support:

To: admin@stationmasters.org.uk
Subject: ELECTION MANIFESTO 		All headers
All attachments

Hi Jim
 
Please find attached my manifesto, I just worry I am overselling myself, your opinion of it might be of value
 
Regards
 
N Holland
Vice Captain elect.

Dear supporters,
Unfortunately I am unable to attend the AGM due to work commitments, the timing of which I cannot alter because I am getting paid good money to go abroad and I am a greedy b……rd. I hope the committee will take the time to read my manifesto out in order you all know where I stand before you give your votes.
 
Firstly I am extremely honoured to be put forward for the position of Vice Captain, I understand I am the best person for the job.
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I think the present committee do a wonderful job however there is always room for improvement.

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 I basically support their non democratic standpoint as nothing in my experience is ever done by a large committee. However it will be one of my aims to try and ensure a less autocratic stance (particularly from the Captain elect) and at least have some discussion between the committee (including the ordinary member) before the implementation of change.

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 I have been extremely disappointed by the way our pro Steve Logan has been treated and I know that he is considering moving to pastures new- he is basically in the huff.  I intend to try and bring Steve back into the fold, many of us have had shots off our handicaps because of his sound advice. I think Alf should be removed forthwith, the rules are boring why can’t we just use common sense?

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 I also intend to cut down Watties’ free flights to Canada from three to two and stop him flying first Class, Business Class is surely adequate.

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 My lovely wife has asked me to add that the ladies section is a joke and my aim would be to integrate it with the mens’ section thus promoting one of the Stationmasters values ie no discrimination of any sort. We can set an example to other clubs.

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 I think that some of the proceeds of the functions should go back to the club to support such things as the Smoker, and committee members days out .   Charity surely begins at home.

 I hope you are content with my manifesto but please note I will not be able to achieve or do very much initially due to work commitments, this of course will make me fit in well with the rest of the committee.

 

 Thanks for your support and although I probably won’t achieve much in the short term I will be happy to discuss any aspects of the running of the club if elected and provided they keep me topped up with alcohol.

Dear Captain Holland,

Thank you for your rather ... interesting manifesto. The first thing we have to say is that when we initially approached you with a view to filling the soon to become vacant Vice Captain position, we felt that you were on the same wavelength as the existing Committee. It is clear however, from your incoherent ramblings, that your brain has become fuddled with drink. Given that it it is now too late to de-select you as the successor to the magnificent soon to be ex-Vice Captain Simpson, we must implore upon you to refrain from sending any more communications, particularly those of an electronic nature (which can be traced) for fear they may affect the integrity of the Committee to be. Remember the Committee must stick together and we feel that your reference to "the ordinary member" may serve to alienate him further (by the way - who is he?). On a more personal note, I have to say that your criticism of my colleague Alfie, is totally unjust. In my experience,Alf is as good a slab-layer as he is a caddie! - however still an expert on the Rules of Golf, which you seem to dismiss as irrelevant. We hope that with not too much bribery...(sorry persuasion) you will eventually see things the COMMITTEE WAY!

Yours committedly,

The Committee.

 

 

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