Reader's Letters Page                                                            BACK TO HOME : ARCHIVE INDEX

Every week we will publish a selection of reader's e-mails along with the Committee's response. So keep these mails coming in folks.

An important mail has been only just been received which we felt you should be made aware of. If you have any comment to make, let us know at the usual address:

 

To: admin@staionmasters.org.uk
Cc:
Subject: TOMMY'S GARDENING TIPS

 

Dear Committee,

I would like to know who sanctioned the ex plumber's gardening feature spot on the Masters website. Everyone knows that I am by far, a superior tradesman to him and a more competent gardener to boot. To make matters worse, a recent article on your (sorry, our) website purported that the old fiddler is the oldest member of our Club. It must be obvious to everyone that I am the oldest by a long chalk. I am incensed that Horne thinks he knows more than me about horticulture and I will be addressing this issue at the next Committee meeting.

Yours huffily

Captain Campbell.

p.s. I have attached a photo of myself, taken only yesterday, with my first crop of tomatoes of the season. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Horne!

p.p.s. Remember the monthly medal on Saturday!

                   

        Dear Captain Campbell, There is little doubt that you are the oldest and most grumpy member of the Club... and Committee for that matter. It is reported from someone who shall remain nameless that on Sunday, when Elliot went to one of the information windows on the scoreboards which now litter the course, no-one could give him any information on when you are next due to buy a round in the Club! We shall however pass your comments on to your good friend Tommy. Come to think of it,,,, if you have any gardening problems which you can't handle, get in touch with 'Tommy's Gardening Tips' at the usual address.

Yours disrespectively.

THE EDITOR.  

To: admin@stationmasters.org.uk
Subject: LEADER 		All headers
All attachments
Dear Captain Campbell,

I write with some trepidation... Given the fantastic way in which the Committee handles delicate issues such as the 'over indulgence' of many members, I was wondering if they could possibly explain why Alfred (Alfie) (Leader) Boath has suddenly started to exhibit some strange characteristics such as smiling a lot, joking and generally being 'full of the joys of spring'?

It is indeed most unusual for Alf to be so laid-back, so if anyone knows why this is, please inform the Committee asap and we may all be able to benefit from Fred's new lease of life.

Yours stressedoutedly,

Anon. (Member - very high-up on the senior committee)

 

           

Dear Anon.

Despite the fact that Alfie has now thrown off the shackles of a Dickension existence, spending long hours behind a printing press, following in the footsteps of William Caxton, he allegedly is no better off in his current employ. His new job sees him carrying around, sometimes extremely heavy bags of metal sticks which rich people use to hit small white projectiles towards a pre-determined target. As anyone in his position will tell you, the hours are long and the wages negligible. Worst of all, we are reliably informed that Alf's wife actually thinks he enjoys this slave-like employment. It is therefore obvious to us why our dear friend and fellow member Alf is so happy - quite simply, he is a member of the best golf club in the world!

Yours  bullshitingly,

A Committee representative.

 

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